Valentine’s Day has passed and spring is approaching (although it might not feel that way, it is truly coming!). Couples have different ways of celebrating their relationships, ranging from “We don’t do Valentine’s Day” all the way to expensive gifts and outings. There is no right way to celebrate, but what is significant is the meaning between the two partners and the message of the celebration (or lack thereof). I’ve had clients come into my office in the last week or so telling me, “We don’t do anything for Valentine’s Day. It feels forced and we’d rather just celebrate when we want to.” If both parties view the lack of celebration as a reflection of their closeness (in other words, they see their choice as a shared decision and one that is based on connection), that is functional and not problematic. In essence, the decision not to participate is something they share and view as part of their connection. The same is true of fancy gift giving and making a day of it. If both parties enjoy this practice and place meaning in it, the end effect is positive. However, whether Valentine’s Day, or any other day of the year, what is important is the message each partner construes from every day events and interactions. Do both of you feel loved? Do you get a sense your partner is there when you need him/her? Are you able to ask for your needs, explicitly, so your partner can hear and understand your request? Can your partner refuse your needs in a way that still leaves you feeling loved?
These are important questions because it is generally NOT what happens on a day-to-day basis that defines our enjoyment and satisfaction in a relationship. Instead, what matters is how we feel.
Check in with your partner today. If you and your partner are struggling, feeling hurt or rejected, or afraid to communicate your thoughts or your needs, it might be time to seek out some assistance. Relationships can be healed. Your relationship is worth healing, isn’t it? Reach out to your partner and, if need be, reach out to a therapist to help support the process.
These are important questions because it is generally NOT what happens on a day-to-day basis that defines our enjoyment and satisfaction in a relationship. Instead, what matters is how we feel.
Check in with your partner today. If you and your partner are struggling, feeling hurt or rejected, or afraid to communicate your thoughts or your needs, it might be time to seek out some assistance. Relationships can be healed. Your relationship is worth healing, isn’t it? Reach out to your partner and, if need be, reach out to a therapist to help support the process.
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